After the Drug Relapse

After the Drug Relapse

What was your drug of choice?

My drug of choice was Opiates, though I didn't care much what type they were. Pills, liquid Methadone, Morphine, if I could find it, I used it. I never got into Heroin but all the others were fair game. 

How long were you clean before relapsing? 

Three months. I actually didn't consider what I did as a relapse until my sponsor figured out what I was doing and called me out on it. 

How did it happen? 

I had this idea that as long as I didn't do Opiates, I was still clean. So for the first time ever, I started taking Xanax.  I was able to convince myself that only Opiate use would mean a true relapse. I completely ignored the fact that I had to take more and each week to maintain the same high, which of course I never referred to as a high. 

Why did you relapse? 

There was a lot going on in life and I suddenly had the desire to get high again. I hadn't felt that way since leaving rehab. When it did happen, instead of calling my sponsor, I called my cousin and asked him for some Xanax to relax. It worked at first, but just like with Opiates, it didn't take long till I was focused strictly on finding more and wasn't taking care of my responsibilities.

What happened to stop you? 

My sponsor happened. He suspected I was using, but never came out and asked me. One night I mentioned while were out running errands together I needed to stop and pick up some Xanax at my cousin's house. He pulled over to the side of the road, looked at me like I had lost my mind, and asked me to start from the beginning. As I told him the story, I began seeing that it was in fact a relapse, just with a different drug. 

How did you get back on track?

I didn't go back to rehab, though my sponsor really wanted me to. I just couldn't take the time off work. Instead, I started attending meetings twice a day, lost my cousin's number and let my sponsor do the accountability thing where I had to answer to him for a while. 

Will you relapse again? 

I don't plan on it, but if it happens I will admit it right away and accept the help that is offered.