He “gets” you. Nobody has ever gotten you before. He is smart, hot, funny and compassionate. You cannot imagine a future without him, but he recently told you he is a recovering addict. The knot in the pit of your stomach is growing by the day. You knew someone who was married to an addict once and it didn't end well. But you love him. The following tips might help you decide what to do.
How long have you been together? Every recovering addict is one day from a relapse. It's the nature of the game. If you only met him a month ago, you have no idea whether he is strong in his recovery. But maybe you happened to catch him in a good part of his addiction cycle. If you have been together for several months, chances are you already know whether he is on track or not. If he hasn't appeared high, disappeared without an explanation or displayed other addict behaviors, it's a good thing.
Has he been to treatment? An addict who has been to treatment in the past is more likely to accept treatment early in a relapse. He will know how to self-correct with meetings, outpatient or inpatient rehab. If he has already been to rehab or he is working a sobriety program, that’s promising.
Was he honest? When he told you that he is a recovering addict did he minimize its impact or was he open and honest about the havoc it wreaked on his life? Accountability is an important trait to have whether he is an addict or not. If he was able to tell you truthfully that he works a program and hopes not to relapse, but if he does relapse, he will seek immediate treatment, because he never wants to go down that path again. That’s what you want to hear.
Final thoughts: You love him, right? If he told you that he once had cancer, it is gone now, but he goes through annual check-ups to be sure it has not returned, would you think about breaking up? Of course not. When you find “the one,” you don't let something from the past impact the future. Loving an addict is the same thing. As long as he is sober, has been for a while, doesn't minimize it and knows how to seek treatment for relapses, he might still be “the one” for you.
How long have you been together? Every recovering addict is one day from a relapse. It's the nature of the game. If you only met him a month ago, you have no idea whether he is strong in his recovery. But maybe you happened to catch him in a good part of his addiction cycle. If you have been together for several months, chances are you already know whether he is on track or not. If he hasn't appeared high, disappeared without an explanation or displayed other addict behaviors, it's a good thing.
Has he been to treatment? An addict who has been to treatment in the past is more likely to accept treatment early in a relapse. He will know how to self-correct with meetings, outpatient or inpatient rehab. If he has already been to rehab or he is working a sobriety program, that’s promising.
Was he honest? When he told you that he is a recovering addict did he minimize its impact or was he open and honest about the havoc it wreaked on his life? Accountability is an important trait to have whether he is an addict or not. If he was able to tell you truthfully that he works a program and hopes not to relapse, but if he does relapse, he will seek immediate treatment, because he never wants to go down that path again. That’s what you want to hear.
Final thoughts: You love him, right? If he told you that he once had cancer, it is gone now, but he goes through annual check-ups to be sure it has not returned, would you think about breaking up? Of course not. When you find “the one,” you don't let something from the past impact the future. Loving an addict is the same thing. As long as he is sober, has been for a while, doesn't minimize it and knows how to seek treatment for relapses, he might still be “the one” for you.
